fat fucking bastard

My life has thrown me a fair share of stress.
Perhaps more than a fair share.
Anyone who knows me knows this is true.
Once again however, I face a realization I've had before;
That my pain and stresses are self inflicted by way of my hopes or expectations, unfulfilled.
Damned Idealism..
It is said that the richest man in the world is the man without want.
I have at times succeeded in that effort, but I am not a monk, and my resolve wears thin..
And now I look at myself, what I am, what i have to offer..
..And i realize that the path i once chose has now chosen me..
I have become the fat fucking bastard I would once have ridiculed as a child.
I am the social misfit, the swirling mess of financial ruin, the old man who still thinks he's 20 years younger..
A joke, I am sure, in the eyes of some.
Fuck them.
Let them walk a mile.
I need a drink..