Some days I am inclined to write. Today is such a day. Grab coffee and take a seat. Time for
some self-flagellation.
An associate of mine
at work the other day said that he had lost all faith in humanity, to which I
flippantly and sarcastically replied, "well then why don't you jump off a
bridge? because guess what, You are surrounded by humanity." It wasn't the
kindest or most compassionate response but it was mostly just needling him for
saying something I know (or at least believe strongly) that he does not
actually think. His reply, equally flippant, was to tell me that I was no one
to talk, that he believed that I had lost all faith in humanity myself. Anyone
who really knows me probably knows this is false, but I was incredulous that he
would make such a claim, especially given how little he knows about me.
But here I am still thinking about it (It's what I do). I
have lost a romantic relationship and walked away from several long term friendships
in the past few years, and been occasionally briefly embittered by it, so I can
somewhat see how someone might come to think such a thing, but I hope to clarify
that misconception. Mostly I am disappointed in some people. Primarily, I am
disappointed in myself. Disappointment in people (and self) is born of love and
unrealized potential, high hopes and expectations that have been lost due to
potential that was squandered or sullied. Essentially, an unpaid debt.
I remember as a child and adolescent I often was credited
with having great 'potential', so much so that I came to somewhat despise the
word and its implications (I was after all an angry young man, with some fair
reasons to be). Potential is a crazy thing, lightening in a bottle, constrained
energy, bottled chaos.. and thus dangerous in its own right, but it is arguably
transcendent, other worldly, and thus something worthy of great respect. Many
people possess this spark of intuitive genius and do nothing of value with it,
and one could argue, that is shameful. At least I am ashamed for it and embarrassed
by it.
The reason for this is that I believe we all owe a debt to
society and culture as a whole for our very existence, and the gifts of potential
bestowed upon us are best used to repay that debt. For perspective, one should
pause a moment and consider all the millions of hours of labor, simple hard
work, that are responsible for all the infrastructure of our world. The
buildings, the roads, the power transmission systems, the water systems and
waste processing. There are a million small things behind our daily lives that
we take for granted, and that is just the physical world. There is the culture,
the handing down of great lessons from antiquity to modern times, and belief
systems that have taught us to think about the ramifications of our actions,
all of which aided in our very being never mind our prosperity.
But like spoiled children many of us have no real appreciation
for the fantastic gifts bestowed upon us, and instead complain about how hard
we think we have it or how victimized we are by some group or person. We should
be grateful for the gifts of our cultures and more importantly, the hardships
of our lives, for nothing teaches us as well as pain. It is also the well spring from which most of
my expressive writing comes from. One of
my gifts, long ignored, is the ability to write, and (I hope) to inspire. I have shared this gift with you all today. I
hope you all find occasion to take a moment and do the same.
Thank you for your time.
Posts
