Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Go ahead, Pile it on

Sometimes it seems like my life and circumstances are designed to test me..
I mean the past two months have been practically a constant downhill slide on every level.
I could waste my time listing off and focusing on my hardships, but it would serve no purpose.
I seek no sympathy.
As my father once (actually many times) said,
"if you are looking for sympathy, you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.. and that's the ONLY place you'll find it."
He was pretty smart like that. The real world doesn't give a rat's fuck about most anyone, unless you are rich or powerful, and I am neither. No worries. I don't measure myself by other people's perceptions of me. If you like me for who I am, cool. If not, your loss.

I will not be crushed under the weight of it all.

go ahead and pile it on.
I will not surrender.
I will not quit.
I will persevere in the end, and my success will be that much more sweet.

Nicotine Dreams

Who would have thought that this little patch
would bring such vivid dreams to hatch?
Powerful dreams, sensual and real
as any that I in my memory did feel
fighting the dawn to stay asleep
within the dreams so warm and deep
but forced awake i face the day
wishing that the dreams would stay
but fleeting fast they disappear
retreating to a place not near
waiting for me to come again
for i will live among them then

the dreams have now become surreal
i wish that i could always feel
the feelings and sensations there
to live and dream without a care

sweet dreams to you all

Monday, August 6, 2007


Acceptance of truths over which we have no control..
acceptance of the loss of love,
or even the hope thereof..
or loss of a dear and special friend..
loss of all the perfect things
is tragic in the pain it brings.
this world so reft with angst and pain,
once ignored, now clear again,
tortures me, my softer side,
until it can but run and hide,
back within the guilded keep,
hidden well and buried deep,
it lives and hopes inside of me,
awaiting someday to be free.

It is a tragic moment in time..
if it were but a moment it would be tolerable
but it comes and goes as I waver from hope to acceptance
hope against all reason still lives in me
therein lies my greatest strength and my greatest source of pain
I revel in it.. the pain.. for it is like an old friend, i know it well
it inspires me to be a better man
to aspire to greater things
to appreciate the joys that life brings..
fleeting though they may be.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Graffiti in my mind

once again..
twisting, hanging, burning in the fetid winds
the sudden realization that I am not past it at all
and though I am nothing.. have nothing to share,
... i want more
so much more..
i am biting back so much
this is the price of hope.. the pain it brings..
the emptiness of unfulfilled dreams
dreams that carried me through thousands of miles back home
i suppose they served a purpose
so now should i just let them go?
or still hold on against all reason?
maybe i'll decide tomorrow...