Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Go ahead, Pile it on

Sometimes it seems like my life and circumstances are designed to test me.. I mean the past two months have been practically a constant downhill slide on every level. I could waste my time listing off and focusing on my hardships, but it would serve no purpose. I seek no sympathy. As my father said,
"if you are looking for sympathy, you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.. and that's the ONLY place you'll find it."
He was pretty smart like that. The real world doesn't give a rat's fuck about most anyone, unless you are rich or powerful, and I am neither. No worries. I don't measure myself by other people's perceptions of me. If you like me for who I am, cool. If not, your loss. I will not be crushed under the weight of it all. go ahead and pile it on. I will not surrender. I will not quit. I will persevere in the end, and my success will be that much more sweet.

Nicotine Dreams

Who would have thought that this little patch 
would bring such vivid dreams to hatch? 
Powerful dreams, sensual and real 
as any that I in my memory did feel 
fighting the dawn to stay asleep 
within the dreams so warm and deep 
but forced awake i face the day 
wishing that the dreams would stay 
but fleeting fast they disappear 
retreating to a place not near 
waiting for me to come again 
for i will live among them then 
 the dreams have now become surreal 
i wish that i could always feel 
the feelings and sensations there 
to live and dream without a care 
 sweet dreams to you all

Monday, August 6, 2007

Acceptance

Acceptance of truths over which we have no control.. 
acceptance of the loss of love, 
or even the hope thereof.. 
or loss of a dear and special friend.. 
loss of all the perfect things 
is tragic in the pain it brings. 
this world so reft with angst and pain, 
once ignored, now clear again, 
tortures me, my softer side, 
until it can but run and hide, 
back within the gilded keep, 
hidden well and buried deep, 
it lives and hopes inside of me, 
awaiting someday to be free. 
 
Acceptance. 
It is a tragic moment in time.. 
if it were but a moment it would be tolerable 
but it comes and goes as I waver from hope to acceptance 
hope against all reason still lives in me 
therein lies my greatest strength and my greatest source of pain 
I revel in it.. the pain.. for it is like an old friend, 
i know it well 
it inspires me to be a better man 
to aspire to greater things 
to appreciate the joys that life brings.. 
fleeting though they may be.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Graffiti in my mind

once again.. 
twisting, hanging, burning in the fetid winds the sudden realization that I am not past it at all 
and though I am nothing.. have nothing to share, ... 
i want more so much more.. i am biting back so much 
this is the price of hope.. the pain it brings.. 
the emptiness of unfulfilled dreams dreams that carried me through thousands of miles back home 
i suppose they served a purpose 
so now should i just let them go? 
or still hold on against all reason? 
maybe i'll decide tomorrow...